Starting Over Again
by steubec
Summary: Takes place a few days after S6E8. Daryl has returned to the ASZ and found Carol still unconscious. Alexandria has been cleared of walkers and the group is rebuilding after their loses. Not sure how many chapters there will be. May or may not follow actual events in the comic, depends on how it flows. This is Caryl, so if you aren't into that sort of thing, kindly move along.
1. Chapter 1

**Here are the usual disclaimers, though I doubt they have any legal validity: The characters are not mine, I'm just taking them out to play. Thanks to creators, producers, AMC, you know the drill. Hope you enjoy!**

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Carol leaned back in the wicker chair and smiled. The long winter seemed to finally be over. Sofia was swinging on the wooden seat that had been suspended from the tree branch for her as soon as she was physically able to hold on to the ropes. There was a soft breeze blowing, tempered by the warmth of the sun. Out of the corner of her eye Carol could see the tulips in the flower bed waving hello, bright reds and yellows. There was one white one that must have ended up in the batch of bulbs by mistake. Mistake or not, she loved it. It always reminded her of strength and purity. The screen door creaked open giving way to the sound of footsteps softly making their way across the porch to her. She felt a warm hand on her shoulder and a breath across her ear as he leaned down from behind to kiss her on the cheek.

"Coffee's ready."

The low voice caused a shiver to run down her spine as a hot, steaming cup seemed to magically appear on the small table next to her. It was a perfect morning. She allowed her eyes to drift close, just for a moment, to relish the feeling but it didn't take long for her to realize something was wrong. The air had grown cold. Though she had closed them willingly, now she couldn't open her eyes. It was like they had been cemented shut. She tried to call for her daughter but the words caught in her throat. She blindly reached for the man behind her, desperate for the reassurance she knew his touch would bring, to know that everything was going to be okay, but he wasn't there. In the distance, she heard several voices, male and female. They were arguing about something. One was very angry. It scared her. What was going on? Where was she and where was her daughter? Suddenly everything went black.

"Well, well, sweet cheeks, you always seem to be in the middle of things now, don't ya?"

Carol found herself lying in the middle of an empty room, well, empty except for a plain wooden chair. A large man walked up to it, flipped it around backwards, straddled it and studied her. He had closely cropped hair and a thick brow.

"Merle?" She didn't really understand how she knew his name, but she was sure it was him, "Merle Dixon?"

"In the flesh. Must be your lucky day. All the ladies love it when ol' Merle comes around."

"No, it can't be you. You're dead. If you're here than I'm dead too."

"Nah, my dear little brother will make sure that never happens, not as long as he's got a breath left in him."

She inhaled deeply, "Daryl."

"That'd be the one."

She squeezed her eyes shut to hold back the tears she felt threatening to fall, "He's gone. I don't know if he's coming back."

"Oh, he's comin' back all right. Ya see, he's kinda taken a shine to you. You think he'd let a few hundred of them deadbeats keep him away from you?"

"Oh God, the herd. They were leading it away and haven't made it back yet. What if they're dead?"

"Now you just shut your pretty little mouth. They ain't dead."

"How do you know?"

"Look around, girl. I don't see none of the three of 'em here."

"Three?"

"Hell yeah, three. Damn, you did hit your head hard. You know Daryl ain't alone. He's got that bulldog Abraham with him. Shit, I'm sad I didn't get to meet him in person. I think we'd of gotten along real good. And that nice piece of ass, Sasha?That girl can butter my biscuit anytime."

Carol sighed heavily, "They're okay...Daryl's alive. Thank God."

"I ain't too sure how much he had to do with it, but okay." Merle shook his head, "I think you maybe need to go back to sleep, you're actin' a little loopy."

"No, I need to get up. They'll be hungry when they get back. I need to fix them something to eat." She tried to push herself up but her arms were too weak to hold herself.

"Nah, you need to rest. Just close your eyes. Don't worry. I'll be here when you wake up."

"Okay. Maybe you're right," Her voice started to falter, "I'll just sleep for a little while longer."

Carol was comfortable. She could feel the weight of a blanket across her body and her right hand was warmer than the rest of her. She leaned her head over, almost afraid to open her eyes, unsure what she might see this time. An intense throbbing in her head kept her from wanting to move too much. It was reminiscent of times past, when she was accustomed to waking up in some kind of pain. But that had been a long time ago. Ed was gone now. He'd been bitten and she'd put a pick axe through his head. She shifted slightly and cracked her eyes to brave a look at her hand. It was in the beam of sun coming in through the small opening in the blinds over the window. That's why it felt so warm. She was in a bed, and it was the sun that was heating her skin. She stared at her hand for a long time, flexing the fingers, trying to assess if this was real or just another dream. As she slowly returned to herself she became aware of a faint sound in the room. It took a minute to realize it was breathing, the inhale lightly accented by a soft snore. Carol swallowed hard and slowly turned her head.

There were no words to adequately express the feelings that overwhelmed her as her eyes focused on the man sitting in the wing back chair across the room. His legs were stretched out, boots on and crossed at the ankle. His hands were settled in his lap, covering the knife sitting below them. His head had fallen to the side and was leaning against the chair, hair covering part of his face. She could see that his eyes were closed and his chest rose and fell with each slow, easy breath. She couldn't keep tears of joy from sliding down. She's not sure how long she stared at him. She was afraid this was just another dream, that it wasn't real, and she wasn't ready to let go of him just yet. He was the one thing that could give her the strength to keep going and she knew she might not survive losing him.

She heard footsteps stop out in the hall and the door creaked open. It was Maggie. She was carrying a tray with some food and a bottle of water. She paused when she realized that Daryl was asleep. She set the tray on the table next to the chair and walked over to the hope chest at the foot of the bed. She opened it and pulled out an afghan. As she closed the lid, she finally looked up at the bed. A smile lit up her whole face when she realized what she was seeing.

"Carol, you're awake. Thank God.".

A vision of Merle smirking flashed through Carol's mind, "Something like that."

Maggie left the afghan on the chest and came around to sit on the edge of the bed, "We've been so worried about you. Rick wanted to keep you at the infirmary but Daryl insisted you be brought here. We need to wake him up, he'll be so relieved."

Carol grabbed her hand before she was able to stand, "No. Let him sleep. He needs the rest."

Maggie pressed her lips together and nodded, "You're right. He hasn't really slept since he got back. I'm going to go tell the others though. Do you need anything?"

"I wouldn't mind a drink of that water."

"Sure."

Maggie grabbed the water and helped Carol to sit up enough to get a couple of sips, "Do you remember anything?"

Carol blinked slowly, " I was arguing with Morgan. He'd kept that...that man. He put us in danger." She felt her heart rate start to pick up in fear which increased the pounding in her head. She had to do something. She tried to push herself up but Maggie stopped her, "Carol, it's okay. He's gone. We're safe now...you've...you've been out for a while. There's a lot that's happened. But, we'll fill you in later. You just concentrate on getting better. That's all you need to do right now," She looked over at Daryl, "I know that's what he would say if he were awake." Maggie tilted her head to the side, "He's kind of taken over your care since he's been back. Wouldn't let anyone else do anything for you. Hovered whenever Denise came in to check on you."

Carol tried to relax back into the pillow, "He's a good man."

"Yes, he is." She rubbed Carol's hand, "I'm going to go and let you both rest."

Maggie stood and grabbed the afghan, placing it over Daryl. She gave Carol a smile on her way out the door before closing it gently behind her.


	2. Chapter 2

He stood looking out the window at the beautiful morning. The sun filtered down through the branches of the tree where the leaves were just starting to come out. Sofia was swinging on the wooden seat that had been suspended from the tree branch for her as soon as she was physically able to hold on to the ropes. He could see the smile on her face from here. The tulips in the flowerbed were bending slightly in the breeze. They'd planted those bulbs years ago, back before Sofia had been born. Carol had been so excited. She said that when she was growing up they had never stayed in one place long enough to enjoy any spring flowers she may have talked her mother into planting. Well, she could enjoy them now. And if she wanted to stay here until the day they died, that was fine by him. The coffee maker was starting to slow its drip so he grabbed two cups and filled them. He drank his black but put two sugars and a shot of cream into hers. He carried them to the screen door leading onto the porch and backed out of it, allowing it to fall softly closed behind him. He walked over to set her cup on the table next to the wicker chair where she sat watching over her girl and leaned down to brush her cheek with his lips.

'Coffee's ready," he whispered. He smiled when he felt her shiver at the sensation of his breath on her ear. He loved it when she reacted to him that way. But all of a sudden the shiver that had signaled her arousal become more pronounced. The breeze turned cold and he could feel her muscles tense underneath his hand on her shoulder. Then everything went black.

Daryl startled in the chair as he opened his eyes. His heart was racing. The dream had been so vivid, so real, that it took several seconds for him to realize where he was. He rolled his head around and reached up to rub the back of his neck. It wasn't as sore as it probably should have been considering its position while he had been sleeping. He wondered how long he had been there like that. It felt like a while this time. The small bits of sleep his body had forced upon him since he'd been back hadn't been enough and apparently he had finally given in to utter exhaustion. The others had tried to get him to go lay down, get some real sleep, but he refused to leave her. He'd already left her too many times with bad results. He looked over to the bed. She was still there. Of course, she was still there. He sighed. What did he expect, a miracle? He rubbed his face with his hands and got up to go take a piss.

The house was quiet as he made his way along the hall to the bathroom. After taking care of his business, he ran the water to warm and splashed some on his face. He placed his hands on either side of the sink and leaned forward, staring at the image reflected in the mirror. It was the third time he'd had that damn dream since his return to Alexandria and finding Carol unconscious in the infirmary. At least this time he'd woken up before Merle started giving him a hard time, mocking him for his inability to keep her safe. Merle teased that if he were still around, he'd have taken care of her in more ways than one, meeting all of her needs like a real man should. Those dreams always ended with Daryl bloodying Merle's nose. He shook his head. Even dead, Merle was a pain in his ass.

He opened the bathroom door and almost ran into Maggie coming up the stairs.

"Oh Daryl, it's you. I heard footsteps and thought it might be Carol."

"Right." He avoided looking at her. That was a shit thing for her to say, but he didn't want to be pulled into some conversation about hope and faith. He just wanted to get back to Carol. He needed to be there when she woke up...if she woke up.

"Daryl, it really could have been her. She came out of it."

"What? When?...Why didn't you wake me?"

She tilted her head to the side, "She asked me not to, said you needed your rest."

He sadly shook his head, "Doesn't she know that the only thing I really need is for her to wake the hell up? I can rest later."

Maggie cautiously reached over and put her hand on his shoulder, "Daryl, I understand why you're upset. But I did as she asked because I wanted her to stay calm. She's still recovering, still fragile, and she was right. You'd have been no good to anyone, much less her, if you'd kept going the way you were. But..." a smile filled her face, "She woke up. That's good."

Daryl took a deep breath and nodded, "You're right. Sorry."

She squeezed his shoulder before letting go, "It's okay. We're all a little on edge."

"Mm, I guess"

"You know, we need to talk... all of us. There are some decisions that need to be made."

Daryl met her eyes, "You already know what I think."

She nodded, " I do."

He looked to Carol's bedroom door, "I need to get back."

"I know. Go."

Daryl nodded once more and slipped past Maggie to go back into Carol's room. He sat in the chair and leaned forward with his elbows on his knees, raising one hand to scratch the whiskers on his chin. There were no words to adequately express the feelings that overwhelmed him as his eyes focused on the woman lying in the bed. He could see the subtle changes from how she looked before. Her body had shifted. Her hand was peeking out from under the blanket close to her face. Her eyes were still closed but her expression was no longer vacant. It was peaceful. He couldn't keep tears from sliding down his face in relief. He wasn't sure how long he stared at her. He didn't want it to be just another dream, not real, where at any moment everything would change and she'd be gone again. No. He wasn't ready to let go of her just yet. She was the one thing that could give him the strength to keep going. He knew he might not survive losing her and he was going to do his best to make damn sure he never had to find out.


	3. Chapter 3

Carol gradually felt herself waking up, but this time was different than the last. This time there was no uncertainty. She knew where she was. She knew she was safe. And more important, she knew he was safe. In spite of those reassurances, she wasn't eager to open her eyes. She knew that once she did the safe and secure feelings would end. Once she opened her eyes she would have to face the aftermath. She wasn't ready to deal with that yet. She wanted just a few more minutes to pretend that everything was okay.

Carol was good at pretending. She'd done it most of her life. As a child she pretended for fun. In high school, she'd pretended it didn't bother her to not have many friends. After marrying Ed, she pretended she was happy. She also had to pretend she was clumsy. In Alexandria, she pretended she was harmless and weak. That had probably been the most difficult for her. Carol had finally found the inner strength that had eluded her all of her life and she had to hide it. Having to deny that strength in front of others, though a calculated and necessary decision on her part, had been draining. She still believed it was the right call at the timel, but it hadn't been easy on her. Now, she knew there was no point in pretending anymore. The carefully preserved illusion of normalcy under which the Alexandrian's had been living was shattered and her cover had been blown. There was no going back now.

Carol knew Maggie. She had seen it on her face. Whatever happened out there after she was knocked out, it had been bad. Maggie was always matter of fact about such things. She would take some time to allow herself to grieve but she wouldn't wallow. She would dry her tears, assess the situation, take action, and move forward. Carol had seen her do it when the Governor took her father, when she couldn't find Glenn after the prison, and even when they'd lost Beth. Those times it had been bad too. But Maggie was steady. She had overcome. Carol knew she would overcome this too. She always did. So she would be willing to know what Maggie knows soon enough, but not before she was ready.

Carol slowly stretched, assessing the damage, feeling her age. Recovery and physical healing didn't come as quickly as they used to. Thankfully, the severe pain in her head had eased to a dull ache. It was bearable. She took a deep breath and felt her back more than she hoped she would. She let her breath back out and opened her eyes to look up at the ceiling. She could tell the sun had gone down. The room was lit by a lamp over in the corner, near the chair where she had watched Daryl as he slept. She closed her eyes again as she pictured him in her mind. Watching him like that was a luxury she'd not had much occasion to enjoy, either before or after their arrival here. Daryl was typically the first to rise and the last to lie down, always vigilant, always on guard to protect his family. She'd taken advantage of the rare opportunity that had presented itself. He would have been uncomfortable if he had known how intently she was focused on him, but she couldn't help herself. He had looked so peaceful, so relaxed. Even so, she could see the toll his life had taken on him. It was written on his face. She knew every line had a story. Before long she found herself pretending once again. It was easy to do while staring at the man who unknowingly held her heart in the palm of his hand. In an unusual moment of weakness, she gave in to childish fantasies and imagined how different things may have been if they had met years ago. Eventually Carol's eyes had grown heavy and she had slipped back into her own oblivion, thoughts of what could have been drifting through her mind.

"Hey."

She smiled at his voice. It was so soft she almost hadn't heard it. She felt him crouch at the side of the bed and turned her head toward him.

"Hey to you too."

He gently brushed her hair back with his hand and studied her face, "How you feelin'?"

"I've felt worse."

"You know that doesn't answer my question."

She waited a beat, wondering where to start, "I feel okay. Not great, but okay."

He nodded once. Carol noticed him chewing the inside of his lip. It was a something he often did when he was either thinking or feeling something that made him uncomfortable.

"How long was I out?"

"Couple days. They had you at the infirmary when I got back."

She glanced around the room, "How'd I end up here?"

"I told 'em you'd recover better in your own room, in your own bed."

"Good call."

"Besides, I knew I couldn't keep as close on eye on you over there. Lot of good it did. You were still alone when you came to. Shouldn't have been that way."

"I wasn't alone. You were here."

"I was asleep. Ain't the same thing. Maggie should have woken me up."

"She was going to but I asked her not to...you needed the rest."

"Pfft, I didn't need no rest..."

She raised her eyebrows at him, "Really?"

He took the opportunity to change the subject, "Do you remember what happened?"

Carol remembered everything up until the point when she had been struggling with Morgan. The wolves had come first, killing as they went. After they'd been taken out or run off the walkers came and were building up against the walls. Rick and Michonne had returned but not everyone had made it back. Many of their group were still missing at that time: Glenn, Abraham, Sasha...Daryl. Then the tower fell and tore down the wall. The walkers had poured in. They were everywhere. She had used them to her advantage, as a cover to follow Morgan and find out what he was up to. She'd seen the man he had hidden away from them. Morgan had betrayed them by keeping danger locked in with their people, their family. She was going to end the danger, kill the man for the things he had done. But Morgan wouldn't let her.

"Morgan kept one of the wolves inside the walls. I followed him. I was going to kill him, and Morgan too if he got in my way. We fought, and suddenly everything went black. I don't remember anything after that."

"I should have been here." She could see the tension in his jaw, "I was going to, you know, come back. But then Rick started in on how we had to put the welfare of the community above everything else. That y'all could handle things back here without us...and I stayed to finish what we'd started."

"You did what you needed to do."

He began to slowly shake his head, "No...I needed to be here, with Carl and Ass-Kicker...with you."

He dropped his gaze to the floor, "None of this shit would have happened."

"It still would have happened. You being here wouldn't have kept the wolves from breaking in. It wouldn't have kept the tower from falling. This wasn't your fault."

He didn't respond, continuing to avoid eye contact.

"Daryl?"

"Mmm?"

"It's okay...I'm okay."

He nodded, still not raising his face to hers, "Might not have been."

She lifted his chin with her fingers, forcing him to look at her. She was surprised when she looked in his eyes and saw fear. She wasn't used to that. During the time she'd known him she'd seen him convey many things: strength, determination, anger, and even sorrow. She thought she might have glimpsed what could have been construed as affection a time or two. But she had never really seen fear there before. She knew the feeling of being afraid all too well. She had lived it most of her life. She had been drowning in it after the wolves had broken in and she didn't know where he was. She wondered where his fear was coming from.

"Where's Morgan now?"

"Still alive if that's what you're wondering, not by my choice either."

"And the wolf?"

"Dead."

"Good."

He nodded in agreement but didn't say anything more. He shifted and sat down on the floor, leaning his back against the bed. She could only see the side of his face, but she could tell there was something else weighing on his mind.

"Daryl, there's something you're not telling me. What is it?"

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 **Sorry to leave you hanging but I felt this was where this chapter should end. Thanks so much for all the follows and favorites. I am honored by each of them!**


	4. Chapter 4

**I have rewritten this chapter multiple times trying to get it right and keep them both in character. I hope it doesn't disappoint.**

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Daryl had gotten over being scared a long time ago. His father had literally beaten it out of him. All these years later while his body still instinctively reacted to perceived threats, his mind was carefully controlled. He had learned to look for the worst in people. He expected negative outcomes and he accepted that to live was to experience pain and disappointment. It was ironic that it took a real life horror movie to change all that. Hell, that wasn't entirely true. It was the people he met as result that had changed all that. Carol had changed all that. It had taken some time but she'd shown him that that his old man was wrong. She taught him that pain and disappointment, though a part of life, were not all there was in the world. It was okay to look for the good in people and it was okay to allow the good within yourself to break through. More than that, Carol had shown him he was worth something. She had an unwavering faith in him that made him stronger. With her at his side, he felt like he could do anything. At the same time, she made him weaker because the fear he thought he'd overcome by closing his heart off to everyone else had worked its way back in. She had touched something deep inside and he was scared of losing that part of himself when it seemed he had only just discovered it. He was scared of losing her.

When he heard Alexandria was under attack, all he could think about was getting back to her. It wasn't that he thought she couldn't handle it. No, he knew she could take care of herself. It was that he knew she would be in the middle of it all, putting herself at risk to save the others. So he turned back. He abandoned Abe and Sasha. He knew he shouldn't have but his drive to protect Carol had trumped everything else. Then as he listened to Rick on the radio he thought about everyone else waiting back home. He cared about them too. They were all at risk, and in spite of that, Rick stayed the course. He had a bigger picture in mind and an unwavering trust that those they'd left behind could handle whatever was happening. The family back there belonged to all of them. So Daryl turned and headed toward the herd to finish what he'd started. Just like at the prison when he'd left with Merle, he knew Carol would understand why he wasn't there with her. He had a job to do and she would expect him to see it through.

After their mission was complete, after all he endured afterwards, he'd finally made it back only to find her unconscious. Rick told him she'd been hurt by Morgan who was defending a wolf he had secretly kept inside the walls of Alexandria. It was all Rick could do to keep Daryl from going over and killing Morgan with his bare hands right then. They'd locked Morgan away until they could could come together as a group and make a decision about what to do with him.

Now Daryl wasn't sure what to think. Carol was okay. She was alive and she was awake. But how long would that last. He had a pretty good idea what was coming. There would be consequences for what the three of them had done out on that road. It was just a matter of time. He continued to sit there on the floor, chewing his lip. Sneaking a look at Carol, he slowly shook his head. She had taken so much on her own shoulders already. He didn't want her to have to deal with anything more right now.

Carol granted Daryl the silence he seemed to need, enjoying just being in his presence. She'd been so busy keeping up appearances since their arrival at Alexandria that she hadn't seen him as much as she was used to. Once he started spending time with Aaron and working on the bike it lessened their time even more. Truth was, she missed him. So, she was happy to give him whatever time he needed as long as they were together. She knew that once they opened her bedroom door, she would have to share him again. She didn't know what had happened after her fight with Morgan, but she could tell it was big. Like Maggie, Daryl had something important on his mind. She could see him struggling with his thoughts and as the minutes ticked by, she grew more concerned about whatever it was he wasn't telling her. She eased herself up into a seated position, "Daryl, you're starting to worry me."

He sat there a few more minutes before responding, "Ain't nothin' for you to worry about right now." He pushed himself up off the floor and sat on the edge of the bed facing her, "You just need to focus on getting better, regaining your strength."

"I'm fine. I'm a little sore in places and physically I may be a little weaker right now but give me a day or two and I'll be good as new...I can handle it, whatever it is."

She studied him intently, waiting for him to speak. Thankfully she didn't have to wait long.

"You know there's always going to be someone who wants what we have, who's willing to do whatever it takes to try to take it from us."

She sighed, "Yes."

"We'll never be truly safe from that."

"No, we won't."

He opened his mouth, just to close it again before bringing his thumb up, chewing at the skin around the nail with his teeth.

"Daryl, just say it." She reached out and laid her hand on his arm, "Whatever it is, we'll figure it out. We always do."

He lowered his arm and looked down at her hand. It was warm on his skin. He thought back to the image of her sitting on the porch in his dream. It had been so vivid and real, and he'd felt so...alive. But Merle was right. Even in a world of his own making he couldn't keep her safe. He raised his eyes to hers. They were tired and concerned and he didn't want her to have to feel that way anymore.

He swallowed hard as the fear gripped his heart tighter. He had lost just about everyone who had ever meant anything to him and he knew he couldn't risk losing her again without her knowing how he really felt.

"I can't...I don't know if I can do it again."

He shook his head. That wasn't a great way to start. He thought he sounded like an idiot.

"Do what again?"

He took a deep breath and pushed forward, "You were dead...At the prison. You were gone. I visited your damn grave."

"You rescued me at the prison."

He ignored her and continued, "Then Rick sent you away. He may as well have just killed you right then and there as much of a chance as you had on your own like that. It was just a matter of time...I was pissed at him for a long time about that."

"I'm the one you should have been pissed at."

"No. No, you were doing what you thought needed to be done to protect the group. He should have seen that, given us all a choice in the matter."

There were things she wanted to say, but she held onto them not wanting to interrupt.

"Then there was all that bullshit in Atlanta."

"We made it through that. It was hard, but we did it."

"When I was out there and I heard gunshots over the radio, I didn't...I didn't know if you were alive, or dead...And it was like it was happening all over again...I've lost you so many times and every time it gets a little bit harder and I lose a little bit more of myself. In an instant, it can happen again, only the next time could be the last. There might not be another reprieve for me and, I'm not sure I can make it back from losing you again."

Carol reached up to run her palm along his jaw. A tear slipped from his eye and she rubbed it from his cheek with her thumb. He closed his eyes as more tears threatened to fall and she could feel him trembling.

"Daryl, will you please look at me?"

He opened his eyes, fighting to keep control of the emotions that were overwhelming him. She scooted closer and gently leaned in, invading his space until she was only a breath away.

"We'll make it through this. I know we will."

He felt her words whisper across his lips and his heart began to race. The room started to shift as he moved, his nose bumping clumsily into hers before it slid to the side and he captured her mouth with his own.


End file.
